Staying Collaborative Under Pressure
Why relational capacity matters more than communication strategies.
By Kerstin Andlaw
In many organisations, stakeholder engagement is often approached as a matter of communication; how information is shared, how expectations are managed and how messages are framed.
Yet in practice, the quality of stakeholder relationships rarely depends on communication strategies alone.
The real test often comes when tensions arise, perspectives differ, or organisations must balance collaboration with clear responsibilities and boundaries.
Across many organisations I work with, a common pattern is that difficult conversations are avoided. Attention shifts towards disagreement and winning the argument, while the relationship itself and the tensions and dynamics between people remain largely unaddressed.
Often there is an unspoken hope that these tensions will simply disappear. In reality, they are usually the very obstacle preventing common ground from emerging.
When this happens, communication can become increasingly transactional, rigid and sometimes defensive. This further deepens distance and tension because stakeholders no longer feel heard and trust begins to erode.
The familiar pattern of protecting positions then takes hold. Conversations become less open, tensions escalate, and relationships weaken.
The deeper issue is that stakeholder engagement is not primarily a communication challenge, it is a relational capacity challenge.
Trusting and effective stakeholder engagement becomes difficult when individuals or organisations lack the capacity to work constructively with tension, difference and the relationship itself.
Strong stakeholder relationships, whether internal or external, require relational capacity, the ability to:
- Listen openly and hear different perspectives
- Hold multiple viewpoints at the same time
- Attend to the relationship alongside objectives
- Maintain clarity about responsibility and boundaries
- Work constructively with tension and power dynamics
Ultimately, relational capacity means staying in dialogue and maintaining a collaborative approach even when perspectives differ or the situation feels stuck.
It is important to be clear that collaboration does not mean softening responsibility or removing clear lines.
A collaborative approach means taking responsibility for the relationship itself and strengthening commitment on both sides to the engagement process.
Sometimes this means attending to the relationship precisely in the moment when it would be easier to blame the other party for being “difficult”.
Choosing dialogue instead of blame is not a soft approach. It is an act of leadership.
TAO|ThriveAsOne worked with the Gibraltar Financial Services Commission (GFSC) over the past nine months to expand on the relational capacity of its people and strengthen stakeholder relationships within a complex regulatory environment.
The programme intentionally focused not only on tools and communication techniques, but on developing the ability to build on trust, navigate power dynamics thoughtfully, remaining constructive even when interests differ and without losing clarity on regulatory responsibilities.
How organisations show up in moments of tension ultimately determines the strength of their relational capital.
“In an increasingly dynamic regulatory landscape, the strength of our stakeholder relationships and our ability to navigate them effectively are as critical as the regulatory expectations themselves.
“What truly sets this approach apart is the close and trusted relationships we have built with firms through consistent engagement and open two-way dialogue. This has enabled a deeper, more nuanced understanding of the firms we supervise, intentionally moving away from outdated, one-size-fits-all customer service questionnaire models towards a more targeted and insight-led approach to supervision.
“The result is a more robust regulatory approach that strengthens outcomes, builds on mutual trust, and delivers lasting value for both our organisation and the stakeholders we serve.” Kerry Blight, GFSC CEO.
As part of the programme, participants developed their ability to deliberately attend to tensions within stakeholder relationships rather than remaining focused purely on content or positions.
Stakeholder relationships often involve competing priorities, organisational pressures, different interpretations of responsibility and regulatory expectations. These dynamics were a central focus of the programme.
Rather than avoiding them, participants were encouraged to develop the capacity to:
- Recognise tension without becoming defensive
- Remain curious about stakeholder pressures and perspectives
- Engage in dialogue about both the issue and the relationship when needed
- Hold firm boundaries where necessary
“At the GFSC, our regular engagement with firms is central to effective supervision, particularly in a sector as dynamic and impactful as insurance. This programme reinforced the value of clear, outcome-focused dialogue and the discipline of pausing at agreement to ask for ‘any concerns’, a simple step than can bring up any unspoken issues and help further strengthen delivery.
“It is through these deliberate practices that we continue to refine our approach and be the best that we can be in the outcomes we achieve.” Joe Perdoni, GFSC Director of Prudential and Intensive Supervision.
Collaboration is sometimes misunderstood as “giving in” or being overly accommodating. In reality, collaboration means taking shared responsibility for both the relationship and the outcome. When conversations become stuck, the most effective step is often to shift attention from arguing positions to strengthening the relationship that holds the conversation. Remaining steady in holding both the relationship and the content with clarity, empathy and boundaries is a sign of leadership maturity.
While the programme offered practical tools and techniques, developing relational capacity ultimately requires something deeper. It requires the willingness to question our own assumptions and mental models, and the courage to practise ways of engaging that may feel unfamiliar. The quality of attention and intention we bring to stakeholder relationships shapes the outcomes that follow.
Three key insights emerged from the programme:
- Dialogue builds trust
Stakeholder relationships strengthen when organisations move beyond one-way communication and create space for genuine dialogue. - Tension and resistance are valuable signals
When tensions surface, they offer an opportunity to deepen understanding and strengthen relational capital. - Clarity and collaboration go together
Clear responsibilities and expectations are strengthened not weakened by collaborative relationships.
Reflection for leaders and organisations
How does your organisation respond when stakeholder tensions arise?
Do you create space for dialogue, or move quickly to defend positions?
What capabilities might help you engage more constructively with different perspectives?
Organisations operate within networks of stakeholder relationships, and the quality of those relationships directly influences organisational effectiveness.
Strong stakeholder engagement is not built solely through processes or communication strategies. It grows from the collective relational capacity of organisations and their people to listen deeply, engage openly and navigate complexity with clarity and commitment.
In increasingly complex environments, the ability to stay in dialogue, work constructively with tension and hold both clarity and empathy is not simply a communication skill, it is a core leadership capability.
Kerstin Andlaw works with leaders and organisations on leadership, culture and stakeholder engagement. As Founder and Systemic Change Partner of TAO | ThriveAsOne Consulting, she supports organisations to build the collective capacity to work effectively within complex systems.
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